When you arrive in the city and you hop off the train
you don’t know all the back roads or the best ways to Main
You don’t know all the speed traps or how Mable Godfrey died
Not without your metropolitan guide
Some people are gonna’ tell you that you’re wasting your dime
While others will accuse me of just wasting your time
But when fifteen Starbucks sprout up in your cozy neighborhood
I’m the only one, yeah the only one that knows which one to choose
And which ones to lose
There’ve been many of times before when my services were true
Even Melville called me of course from Ishmael’s point of view
Or innocent little Phoebe helping Caulfield through the rye
With the help of a metropolitan guide
Are you gonna’ wait for inspiration to come around and show its face
Even Dante needed Beatrice to find his way through Heaven’s gate
It’s important to find a guide who will do more than sell
And they’ll teach you, yeah they’ll teach you all the ways to rebel
And how to do it well
Who’s gonna’ tell you which restaurants serve delicacies tonight?
Or which buildings are haunted, or which ones are alright?
What about the vagabonds on the corner of Fifth and Pine
Why of course it’s your metropolitan guide
Some people are gonna’ tell you that you’re wasting your dime
While others will accuse me of just wasting your time
As long as you know the street with the lighthouse is a dead end you’ll be fine
I’m the only one yeah the only one in town you’ll find
So where do I sign?
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